How serious is a guy about a girl? This is a GirlGame topic I’ve heard my friends debate over a lot. By “serious”, I mean, “is he committing to her wholeheartedly” (or will he, soon)? How much is He into Her? For girls who want to do the relationship, it’s better to identify the right guy sooner, rather than later. Identifying positive signs of being on the right path early is key. A girl should try to minimize time and emotional energy wasted on dead-end relationships.

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It’ s unrealistic to expect anyone, male or female, to go from the lightning jolt of attraction to someone they just met to getting married to the person. At the very least, it’s unwise and quite risky. I’m going to borrow an easy paradigm of the major stages a relationship goes through to identify stage-appropriate indicators of commitment. I am no Master GirlGamer, so these are just starting points to ponder.

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He wants to see her again. He calls her fairly soon after meeting. He wants to spend time with her in person over phone, Facebook or text. Why? Because he wants to see Ms. Hotness in the flesh. He is energetic and/or engaged around her. He tries to show her a good time. He doesn’t give up if he doesn’t score on the first night or on dates afterward. Note: a girl has to decide for herself what commitment she requires, if any, for physical relations. He brings his best Game, whether it’s PUA style, or some other variation. He isn’t a drag, annoying, a complainer, nor does he have a big chip on his shoulder. He wants to see her on a regular basis. There isn’t a huge gap between dates – even if he’s out of town, he calls and checks in on her. Note: if he’s dating other girls (which is likely), another girl may be his #1 interest. If a girl is a decent competitor, he will still stay actively interested in the other one; that girl may end up taking over the #1 spot. If a girl is a weak competitor, his interest will be weak too. She should proceed with caution and follow his lead – don’t take things too seriously quite yet. His interest increases, rather than decreases, over time. He wants to see her more and more — daytime, nighttime, almost anytime.

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his is the early make-or-break moment when two people naturally reflect and decide “What next?” If a guy disappears for a while, he’s either freaked out about getting too close, or has realized he doesn’t like her like that. If he comes back with enthusiastic interest, it’s OK. He’ll often seem more engaged than before, like he’s just recharged his batteries. If he returns with lackluster, or only physical, interest, he’s probably not that into her. He may halfheartedly stick with her until something better comes along. He might talk about how he doesn’t believe in marriage, or never wants to have kids. She has to carefully observe whether he really means it. Note: a guy in his late 30s with an elaborate explanation probably means it; a guy in his 20s who just throws it out there like he’s showing off might be just, well showing off.

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He makes regular dates with her. He talks to her and sees her often. Playing it cool, he just starts acting like that’s the normal thing to do. He shares with her. He tells her interesting stories about what happens to him, his life, and his plans for the future. If he’s not a big talker, he shares his interests non-verbally, by scheduling activities around things that means a lot to him (sports, Sci-Fi, etc.). He doesn’t seem to hide a lot. He asks her to be exclusive first, on his own, without any hint-dropping or demands from her. He makes her part of his public face. He asks her to work, social, and family events. He might make things official on Facebook. She meets all of the people who matter to him — his family and friends. (Siblings or just his best friend do not count.) With his friends, she meets almost everyone from childhood to present. They seem to share his enthusiasm for her after she passes their tests (she gets the feeling he shows her off, and has been talking her up). He includes her on major decisions, like relocation or buying a home. Her opinion matters to him and he expects her to be impacted. He treats her like she is a part of his future. He brings up about long-term commitment, like marriage, slowly to see if she’s thinking the same. He is hot for her. Majorly.

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On his own, he decides that making things permanent (marriage) is the way to go. Note: sometimes he realizes this after she tells him she is leaving him (e.g., as sweetly as possible she tells that she is traditional girl, looks like he doesn’t share her views, so she needs to move on, etc. No matter what she does NOT put him down in any way for possibly not wanting to marry her. She makes it all about her being different and having to go her own way. Girls, a forced situation or ultimatum is always disastrous). With enthusiasm, he asks her to marry him. Even if he’s not into wedding stuff, his heart is in it. He’s excited about their life together and even if he has lingering doubts, he’s confident in his choice and his conviction overcomes those doubts/questions every time.

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